Love is Blind
by amberdowny
Summary: Written preHBP. Remus will do anything to get Sirius back...


Disclaimer: HP is not mine.

A/N: Huh. I was saving a HUGE paper to a floppy disk (because I do not trust my computer) and I found a file on it called "sirrem." My initial thought was "what the hell is a sirrem?" Then I realized that I had called it that for Sirius and Remus. I opened it up, and found this fic, which I suddenly remembered writing after OotP, for one of the RL/SB FQFs. I believe the general idea was "Bring Back Black." I never actually submitted it though. So, here we go--this is at least two years old, if not more. I like to think I've improved since then…

_He was walking along a deserted corridor, a dark, damp corridor. He didn't know where he was, but it mattered not. All that mattered was that he was searching for something, searching for something valuable, though he didn't know what. All he knew was that it was something valuable, wonderful, irreplaceable, and something that he loved. He was getting closer to it…he could feel it…just beyond this corner…through this door…._

_He opened the door and gasped in horror, for he was seeing it all again…the Death Eaters…Bellatrix Lestrange…the veil…and most of all, Sirius, falling, falling forever into its icy depths._

Remus Lupin sat straight up in bed, shaking, shivering, and gasping. It had been nearly a full month since that terrible night in the Department of Mysteries, and every night since, he'd had the same dream, relived the pain he'd felt as Sirius fell through the veil. That is, if he'd slept at all. More often than not, he'd be awake nights, looking through the many books in the Black Family Library, desperately searching for a way to bring Sirius back. He knew that if he _did_ find anything in the library, it would be something involving the Dark Arts, and as reluctant as he was to _perform_ Dark Arts, he would do it in a heartbeat as long as he wouldn't put anyone in danger, except for himself.

No one knew about his search, except perhaps Dumbledore. In fact, Remus was almost positive that Dumbledore _did_ know about his search. Whenever he came by the Headquarters, which was much more often than he had last summer, more books would mysteriously appear on the shelf Remus was currently searching.

Remus sighed. It was a sad sigh, a heartbreaking sound. "I wish…" he whispered softly into the dark. But he never finished his sentence. What was the point? What had happened, had happened, and he couldn't change it. He had considered using a time-turner, but he knew that he _wouldn't_ because if he did (had?) Sirius wouldn't be gone. Remus checked the clock. It was three o'clock in the morning. There were still at least two hours before anyone else would be awake. _I can't sleep. I may as well search some more._

Remus got out of bed and slipped into the hallway. He walked carefully down the stairs and through the hall, making no sound so as to wake the portrait of Mrs. Black. Finally, he got to the study where the books were and slipped inside. He sat on the floor and picked up the book from where he'd left off, skimming through the pages. After about a minute someone said, "Do you really think you can find anything, Remus?" Remus looked up, startled, and saw Dumbledore smiling kindly at him.

"I don't know, Albus. I don't know. But I have to try." He was silent for a moment, then said, "I was right. You _did_ know that I was looking for a way to bring him back."

"Yes, I did. Remus, if you do manage to find something…consult me before you actually try it. The Dark Arts can be dangerous, unpredictable. This isn't worth you dying for. What good would it do, really, if Sirius was brought back, but you died? Sirius would be doing exactly what you're doing right now." Dumbledore looked gravely at him. "Do you understand?"

Remus swallowed hard. "Yes. I-I'll tell you before I do anything."

"Very good. I'll see you later Remus." Dumbledore left the room.

An hour and a half later, Remus wasn't any closer to discovering a spell that would work than he had been, and he knew that Molly, at least, would be awake very soon to make breakfast. Remus sighed. _Why don't I just give up and go home? I'm not finding anything. I may as well just go…._ But this _had_ been Remus' home for the past year, since Sirius had insisted Remus live with him. Remus had, uncharacteristically, agreed without protest. And now, Remus both wanted and didn't want to leave, because the house, although Sirius had hated it, reminded him, Remus, of Sirius.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang, there was a crash, and Mrs. Black's portrait started screaming. "I'm sorry!" Remus heard Tonks exclaim. "I'm sorry Molly…I'll clean it up! I'll shut the portrait up!" After a minute, the screaming stopped. The door of the study opened a crack, and a red-faced Tonks peered in. "Mind if I come in?" Remus shook his head, and Tonks sat down beside him. "You really miss him, don't you?" she asked.

"Yeah," Remus said.

"Were you…I mean…not that it's my business…but you were together, weren't you?" Tonks asked hesitantly.

"Yeah," Remus said again.

"I thought so. Who else knows?"

Remus shrugged. "Dumbledore. Mad-Eye. Arthur. Anyone who was in the Order the first time. You. Some people have probably figured it out that I don't know about. I think Hermione Granger might be suspicious."

"Oh. So…um…what are you doing exactly?" Tonks asked.

"Er--nothing. Nothing," Remus said hurriedly.

"You're obviously doing _something_," Tonks replied practically.

Remus sighed. "I'm looking for a way to bring Sirius back, if you must know."

Tonks' eyes widened. "I know someone who could help you!" she said excitedly.

"Um…okay," Remus said, trying not to get his hopes up, but doing so anyway.

"I'll owl him and arrange a meeting between the two of you."

"Thanks."

The next afternoon, Remus met this mysterious stranger at the entrance to Diagon Alley.

"You're Remus Lupin?" a man in a dark blue hooded cloak asked.

"Yes," Remus said nervously. "I was told you could help me bring--"

"Not here, you fool! Come with me to my home," the man said, then walked into Diagon Alley. Remus followed him, to the very end, where the buildings were shabby and looked somewhat dodgy. The man entered the furthermost of these buildings and bade Remus follow him. "Now, tell me your story."

So Remus began, telling this stranger everything about the night Sirius had fallen into the veil. He explained the circumstances, that he and Sirius were lovers, about his search for a spell to bring Sirius back. When he finally finished speaking, his voice was hoarse.

The stranger had been absolutely silent during Remus' explanation, and now he spoke. "I can bring him back. But you'll have to pay for it."

Remus' heart sank. "Oh, never mind. I don't have any--"

"It's not money I want, or need," the stranger replied. "In fact, I want nothing tangible."

"Then what do you want?" Remus whispered.

"What are you willing to give?" the stranger replied. "Your life? Your soul? Your sanity?"

"N-no…none of those. I need to still be alive and…and functioning properly," Remus stammered.

The stranger left the room then returned almost instantly. "You are a werewolf." It wasn't a question.

"Yes."

"What does this _Sirius_ do for you at the full moon?"

It was like he knew. "N-nothing."

"Liar."

"He…he's an unregistered Animagus. And he sits with me afterward."

"Is this important to you?"

Remus nodded uncertainly. "Yes…"

"Very well then. Would you be willing to lose your sight?"

"I…" Remus began.

"And," the stranger finished, "to be known as a murdering werewolf throughout the entire magical world, never being able to go anywhere again without the threat of death?"

"That's not true! I have _never_ killed anyone in my life!" Remus said immediately.

The stranger merely looked at him. "It's your choice. I'll be waiting here in one week's time, at noon sharp. If you don't show, I'll know you've decided not to go through with it."

"Would anyone know the truth?" Remus asked.

"You work with the Order of the Phoenix, don't you?"

Remus, of course, didn't answer.

"I know you do. Dung told me. The Order of the Phoenix would know the truth, and their immediate families. Sirius, of course. Harry Potter and those two kids he hangs around with. That's it," the stranger said.

"I'll think about it," Remus said, remembering his promise to Dumbledore.

"I'll be waiting," the stranger replied.

Remus left the shabby building and walked back down Diagon Alley. Was bringing Sirius back worth being sightless, plus possibly being murdered every time he went anywhere? _Yes. To me, anyway…I'm not sure Dumbledore would agree…_. That was the biggest problem…convincing Dumbledore. So, trying to work out how to convince Dumbledore that it would be for the better, Remus Apparated to the front door of Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, then went inside.

After Remus closed the door, he promptly bumped into Ron, who was standing with Fred, George and Ginny in the hall, all four of them using the Extendable Ears the twins had invented to listen through the kitchen door.

"You four really shouldn't be eavesdropping," Remus admonished them distractedly.

All of them jumped and looked guilty. "Oh, er, Pro--I mean, Mr. Lupin, we uh…didn't see you," Ginny stammered.

"Well, I won't tell your mother, but don't let her catch you." Remus almost smiled as he remembered his father saying the same thing to him and Sirius, the summer after they had gotten together, when he caught them kissing. His mother had forbidden them to do anything like that when she learned they were together.

All of them sighed in relief.

"And, er…what's going on down there that has you so interested?" Remus added.

"Dumbledore took Tonks in there alone, and he's asking her why she sent someone to see someone. He actually sounds angry or afraid or something," Ron hurried to explain.

"Oh," Remus said in dismay. If Dumbledore was 'angry or afraid or something' then he certainly wouldn't approve of what Remus wanted to do. _But why do I have to listen to him anyway?_ Remus thought angrily.

_Because Dumbledore's worried about me_, he realized.

"All right," he said aloud. "Why don't you go and eavesdrop somewhere else. I need to get through." The Weasley children scattered, and Remus went into the kitchen.

Dumbledore looked up as he entered and said to Tonks, "You can go, Tonks. But don't ever do it again."

Tonks nodded to Dumbledore and left without a sound.

"So, Tonks tells me she sent you to see someone," Dumbledore said.

"Well--"  
"What did he say?" Dumbledore interrupted.

"He said if I will lose my sight and be considered a murderer with the possibility of being killed every time I go anywhere in the magical world, he could do it."

"And what did you say?" Dumbledore asked.

"That I had to think about it."

"What do you think?" Dumbledore asked gently.

Remus hesitated, then finally said, "I want Sirius back so much it hurts. I…every time I go to sleep, I re-live that night. And I…I'm willing to do anything to get him back."

Dumbledore sighed. "You must decide for yourself Remus. I can't decide for you. I know the spell, and I know you won't be harmed, and I know that Sirius won't either. Make your decision." Then he left the room, leaving Remus alone with his thoughts.

One week later, Remus met the stranger again. "I've decided," he began, "to go through with it."

"Ah. Excellent. Tomorrow night, by eleven thirty, go to the veil. At exactly midnight, Sirius will come back, and your payment will be collected. All you have to do is be there," the stranger said.

Remus swallowed. "Okay."

The next night, Remus Apparated to the Ministry, wearing an Invisibility Cloak. He walked through the corridors until he reached the door to the Department of Mysteries. He slipped inside and negotiated his way to the veil. He sat on the edge of the dais and swallowed back the tears that threatened to come, the vivid picture of Sirius falling through again flashing before his eyes. Finally Remus gave in to the tears and cried, but stopped fairly soon. He anxiously checked his watch. It was quarter to midnight.

Remus suddenly had a thought. _Maybe he doesn't want to be brought back_.

Maybe he _wanted _to be….

No. He wouldn't…he would want to come back, at least to help Harry if nothing else…

Remus checked his watch again. Two minutes left….One minute left…Thirty seconds….

There was a flash of light, a ball of gold light flew inside Remus, the veil was lit up, and it was like Sirius' fall was happening again, only in reverse. After about ten seconds, the light dimmed, and the ball of light left Remus' body, along with his sight.

Relying on his other senses, Remus turned toward where Sirius was. "Sirius?" he whispered after a brief hesitation.

"R-remus? How…? What…?"

Remus sighed. "Tonks sent me to see someone, who in exchange for bringing you back, took my sight and now the entire wizarding population, minus the Order and their families, you, Harry, Ron and Hermione, think I'm a murderer and will attempt to kill me every time I leave the house."

Sirius gasped. "Remus…I'm not worth that! Is there a way to reverse it, or--"

"Sirius," Remus interrupted, "I don't regret it. I have you back. That's all I ever wanted." Remus blinked back the tears from the eyes that could no longer see.

Sirius embraced Remus, and Remus buried his head in Sirius' shoulder. "I love you," Remus mumbled.

"I love you too," Sirius replied.

Then Remus tilted his head up, and met Sirius' lips with his own. What started out as a gentle kiss became a raging passion, as if each was trying to memorize the others mouth, which they had already done a long time ago. When the kiss finally ended, both were breathless.

"Sirius…I thought--" Remus began, but Sirius cut him off with another kiss.

"It doesn't matter anymore. I'm back," he whispered.

"Let's go home," Remus said.

And so they Apparated away, back to the place they both called home, not caring so much anymore about the place, but that they were both there _together_.

That night, it was like their first time all over again, but less clumsy, less awkward. Their many years together had caused them to move as one, to know the other's body almost better than their own. When they were finished, they both clung to each other. For the first time in quite awhile, neither of them had bad dreams.

That was how Dumbledore found them the next morning, safe and smiling in each other's arms.

The next few months were filled with activity. Remus had to learn to live without his sight. Harry had to get used to the idea that not only was his godfather alive again, but was shagging his former teacher. Ron and Hermione finally realized their feelings for each other, and got together. But those things were minor, in Sirius and Remus' minds, because they had each other again..

And this time, they weren't going to let go.


End file.
